I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend
until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that
trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of
lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by
his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday.

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls, shocked

“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much.

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life ..

LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! " Jeanne's eyes were wide and filled with tears. She was afraid of what he would say to her. Jeanne was a nerdy girl with thick glasses. She was a junior in her middle school. She was in love with the hottest guy in the entire school.
And now, she told him that she loved him.

"Haha! Shut up. Nobody would like you! Who do you think I am?"
Jeanne had feared he would say something like that. She was devastated. She started running. She didn't want to face him ever again. All these thoughts and feelings ran throughout her head. Until, she bumped into something.
"Hey, whats up?"
She had bumped into James.

"WHAT?! I'll GO TELL HIM! WHERE DOES HE GET THAT NERVE! SOMETIMES, I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M HIS BEST FRIEND! THAT'S IT! i'M GOING TO GO BEAT HIM UP!"

"NO! James! Don't do it! It's not his fault. I was the foolish one to think we can ever date."
"But Jeanne!"
" No, it's OK! I should go."
" JEANNE... James grabbed her by the wrist as she was getting up. Don't go."
Jeanne stared into his eyes and felt so warm and fuzzy; a feeling she didn't feel for a long time. But, she looked away. She saw in such a long time, it felt awkward to feel it again. And then she gently took her wrist out of James' grasp and slowly walked away from him with tears in her eyes.
"Dammit, James! You really did it this time! Jeanne just left you! And why are you trying to hit on her?"

James walked back home with his hands stuffed in his pocket. Thoughts of Jeanne ran throughout his head. He didn't want Jeanne to be hurt by a jackass. He wanted to show her that he loved her. He wanted to show her he cared. But Jeanne just seemed to ignore him. And then, something ran into him. He crashed on the ground and saw Jeanne was on top of him. She seemed to not know whom she crashed into. James smiled.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm very, very sorry. I should have been more careful.. I'm sorry. Can I repay you somehow?"
"Jeanne", James said, lifting her chin and brushing her bangs. Jeanne looked through his soft eyes and almost melted.
"James..." said Jeanne. Suddenly, she started crying. James was shocked.
" J-Jeanne? What's wrong?"

"I' m s-s-such a f-fool! H-How c-c-can I th-think t-that G-Gyung H-Hoon c-can love me?"
"Jeanne.. I would not call that foolish.. I actually admire you going up to him and confessing. However, crying about him is indeed foolish. Jeanne, Don't cry about that jerk. Here, let's go to my house. We're right in front of it!" Jeanne nodded.
James led her to the bathroom.

"Take off your glasses. We need to wipe those tears off." He said with a smile. Jeanne took them off without a word. James turned on the water and wet a washcloth. Then, he gently wiped her tears off her face.

" James.. Do you love me?" James was startled by this comment.
" Why do you ask me that?"
" Because.. it seems like it. Do you?"
" Haha! Jeanne, you are my friend."
" Oh.. OK. I think I'm not so teary now. Thanks, James."
" No Problem. Do you want something to drink?"
" Um... OK." She followed James out the door.
He handed her a glass of orange juice and they sat down outside on a bench.
" Are you going to be all right?"
" Yeah.. Thanks. But I don't think I'll be able to face him again."
" When he calls you something bad, just yell my name. OK?"
" OK." she said with a small laugh.
" But what are you going to do when I call you?"
" I'm going to beat him up!"
" What if everyone starts hating you?"
" It doesn't matter. As long as the one girl I love is happy."
" Ooh, James! You like someone?"
" Yeah.. Guess. I'll never tell you until you get the right answer."
" Hmm... is it Amy? She's pretty! What about Lauren? She's nice and quiet. Or is it Becca? She's generous. Or maybe it's Courtney! She's not all that nice though..."
After a few tries, she gave up.
"Who is it? I'm dying of curiosity!"
" Let's see.. she has glasses.. she's in love with Eric, she's sitting right next to me! Jeanne let out a small gasp."
" M-Me?" James nodded. Jeanne almost passed out.
" James! I have declared you crazy." James started laughing.
" Why won't you believe me? I like you.. I want you to be my girlfriend."
" But you're the second hottest guy in school! What if everyone criticizes you for bad taste in girls?"
" I don't care¦ I told you. As long as the one girl I love is happy." he said, smiling.
" No, really, James. No games this time. All serious.. all right?"
" Yeah.. I know."
" Oh my god..." Jeanne said, covering her mouth with her hand.
"Jeanne, I just want to be the right guy for you." he said while putting his arm around her shoulder. She leaned against him and for the first time, she felt accepted by someone special.
"But, James! Why did you say I was just a friend before?"
"Umm! I didn't feel like it was time yet." Jeanne nodded. She knew how hard it was to say, "I love you." She knew how nervous you would feel. And she knew how hard it was to feel the reject.
"I understand, James. I'm just glad you told me. I'll think about it."
"Jeanne, do you still like Eric?"
"Yes!"
"What has he got, that I don't?"
"I just don't know! I mean! you two look the same! you guys wear things all similarly! but! I like Eric better."
"All right! I'll make him like you. He knows he's not going to win in a fight." Jeanne wrapped him in her arms.
"James! I'm all right. You don't have to do all that." And then he wrapped her in his arms.

"Eric, can I see you for a moment?"
"What up, dude?"
"It's about Jeanne!"
"Oh no! don't tell me about that ugly! I just barf when I hear her name!"
"SHUT UP! DUDE, YOU JUST HAVE TO GIVE HER A CHANCE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
"Hey! I have other girls who want me. The least thing I need now is another girl who is ugly and slow liking me."
"She's not ugly and slow! She's kind and beautiful in the inside when you get to know her!"
"Wait! do you!?"
"Yes! I do!"
"Haha! Then why don't you date her?"
"Because! she's in love with a jackass!"
"STILL? Haha! Man, she's hilarious! After I rejected her like that?"
"Hey! please! it would mean a lot to me! just say that you at least like her as a friend and apologize for what happened last time. Man, she came running all the way to my house and started crying! She was just! out of control, man! Just tell her that! please?"
"All right!"
"You're the best!"
"Hey, Jeanne! I'm sorry for what happened last time. I was sort of tired and grouchy. I wasn't in a good mood. I never wanted to say it that way. I like you as a friend. And I want to keep that relationship. All right?" Eric let out a hand for a shake. Jeanne nodded. She let out her hand and they had a friendship shake, which made James smile.
"See? Eric likes you! He just wants to keep the relationship just as friends! All cool with you?"
"Yes.." she said softly. James took her hand and walked away with her.
"You all right, now?"
"Yeah!" she nodded. "But he only wants us to be friends! because I'm a nerd!"
"Jeanne! Why don't you ever think about me? You know he's a jerk! Why do you mope around for that! So what, if he doesn't like you! Everyone is different, Jeanne. To my eyes, you are a beauty. You can't always think about him! There are other guys out there for you! Not just Eric and me! I really don't want to see you like this."
"James! Do you really love me?"
"I don't think I need to answer that!" They stared at each other for a long time.
"James!" She tried to push him away and he staggered a little.
"Jeanne! answer this for me! do you love me?"
"James, I never intended to be your girlfriend. I just want to be your friend."
"Oh, I see! you're treating me like how Eric treated you. You don't want to be my girlfriend because I'm way different than you. You don't want to be my girlfriend because I'm better looking than you and you're afraid that people will jeer you because of that. Well, you know what? I don't care about any of that!" And with that, he grabbed her and locked her lips into his. After a while, he moved away.

"Oh, you really do love me!" She hugged him.
"But, Jeanne! do you still have feelings for him?"
"Yes! I always have, and always will."
"Do you want to be pretty? Like those girls over there?" James pointed to a group of girls. They all had big hoop earrings and what Jeanne noticed was that they did not have any thick glasses like her. Jeanne nodded. She was pretty ashamed about it.
"It's all right, Jeanne. All girls want to be good looking. Even they were ugly once. Everyone is."
"Really?"
"Sure! I used to act like a girl once. I always thought about my appearance, my clothes, and my hair ; just like a girl."
"Haha! That's funny!"
"It's good to see you laugh. Now, Jeanne. I'll help you become pretty'. Then will you be happy?"
"I don't know. I've never been attractive in my life.." she said innocently.
"Well, it's time you are!"